Tonight I filmed a gamer meditation to help control rage and refocus the mind for domination! So sit back, close your eyes, and listen to the silky smooth sound of my voice as I pour wisdom into your ear canals, where it sloshes around until it soaks into your brain like a dry sponge. Enjoy:


Hello my friends, please come and sit with me.

Today we are going to increase our skills through meditation. It’s an easy process with great rewards, but it requires patience and practice.

We are going to start by closing our eyes and just taking a deep breath. Feel your physical body relax and your mind clear as you focus on the darkness behind your eyelids.

Clear all your thoughts, all your negative energy. Clear all anxiety and stress, and relax…just relax and release. Take another deep breath.

Clear all your thoughts, especially if you’ve just had a bad team in League and even though you were there for every fight and saved the lives of multiple teammates they’re still calling you out as a big piece of shit who sucks and the whole game was lost because of you. Don’t think about it!

Or maybe you’ve just been cheesed in SC2. Forget the game, forget the match, and just relax. That other guy was probably super bad and can only win by cheesing. Even though you’re diamond and he’s silver and you probably still should have won, but you screwed up a timing and it through your whole game off. Don’t think about it! Push it away from your minds eye.

And definitely don’t think about how good the other team was in CS:GO and how they were Brazilians and way too good at the game, but it’s actually probably because of some weird command their using to artificially lower their ping. And even though they probably weren’t hacking, you still suspect that they were at least walling, and everyone’s complaining in the forums, but it’s probably just that they’re better. Let it go man, find peace.

Is your mind clear? Are you not focusing on those things? Good, now calm your emotions and let all the negative energy flee from your body. No stress, no anxiety, no fear, no expectations, no comparing yourself to others, no worry, nothing, but calmness and peacefulness.

Find serenity within this vast universe and realize that life is good. Even though we lose a match sometimes, there’s always tomorrow. There’s always the next match. We will win and defeat our enemies.

Take another deep breath.

Oh great universe, give us the strength to continue fighting. Make our aim true and headshots plentiful. Give us the micro of demigods of South Koreans like Flash, Maru, and Life. Let us steal a baron buff and laugh maniacally like Dyrus. We will crush our enemies and top the leaderboards. We will hold that first place trophy and walk away awkwardly carrying a check that is much too large for normal banks. Let us stand on a stage before waves of nerds, triumphantly beating the odds and taking the next LCS or MLG or whatever you happen to be going to.

We will win. We will conquer. That is your mindset. That is your goal. You do not back down or get filled with anger for having lost a single match. It is in those matches that our greatest growth comes from. Winning is only for pride, losing is for progression. We will play match after match until we stand victorious! So queue up my brothers and sisters. Queue for the next match and destroy your enemies! Take the top of the chart with little care. Don’t get caught up in your wins and embrace your losses. Learn, progress, and succeed.

Take one final breath. Clear your thoughts, take control of your emotions, and focus. You are the best gamer in the world. Maybe not now, but you will be. Go now and dominate the world of eSports!